forget the show
Gears begin to shift upwards as our minds begin to whirl. We become so preoccupied with being right - or at bare minimum making sure we look more right than the next person - that we lose track of who we are and what we value, and become consumed with winning the dialogue, and proving a point, instead of laying a foundation that leads to the connection that comes before change.
We stop focusing on the words being spoken, and begin to focus on how (we think) we look. We detach ourselves from the present moment, we disconnect from real lived human experience, and forget about the importance of creating context grounded in reality. We push past our own internal boundaries, believing that we have to do whatever it takes to look more right than the next person.
But this approach doesn't get us where we want to go. It gets us more confusion, more disconnection, more talking in circles, more stuck in debates about our good intentions, and more focused on whether or not we're good people.
But taking action to address racism, whether in a one-on-one context, at work, in our organization, with family members, or within ourselves has nothing to do with our inherent goodness or badness.
It has to do with our willingness to stop, pause, and own the fact that we have the power to make conscious choices that have real impact and lead to real change.
Asking an open and honest question has the power to help us pause. When we ask a question (note: a genuine question where we’re actually interested in hearing the answer - not in confirming our assumptions), we’re forced to step back into the present moment.
Asking a question helps us to take a breath. To think. To process. And to feel. The mere act of thinking about a question before we ask it helps us to remember why we're choosing to have a conversation about race in the first place, and that there are real people with real experiences standing at the other end of our words.
Pausing, and choosing to ask questions can help us abandon the show and continue moving through the conversations we so desperately need to learn to have so that we can do the work.
Let's forget the show and focus on connection that creates change instead.
