space to feel
I’ve been noticing something. Something that frankly, I’d much rather ignore.
In the moments when I most want to run towards trying to fix, to change, to improve someone else, the moments when I’m most inclined to reach for distraction, what I’m often most needing is to set aside space to feel so that I can make a choice for myself.
Something about this process of making space (even if it’s just a few minutes) helps us identify when it’s time to make a different decision.
When we think about change that connects us in lasting ways, so often we conceptualize transformation and growth as happening all in one fell swoop.
One moment we see the world like this, and in the next moment, everything is different. At least, that’s how I used to think about change. But the seasons of life I’ve lived have made it so that I’m learning to see change as more of a process than a moment in time.
And that’s important.
Lasting transformation that builds connection across differences is not only found in the destination, it’s built by the countless decisions that we make every day.
It’s in the tweaks in perspective that open our eyes to realities that are right here,realities we could not see before. It’s the choice to step forward or pull back in the moments when we find ourselves wondering whether all we can do, is what we’ve always done.
It’s in the sussing out of expectations. Which belong to us, which do not, and figuring out which ones really matter at the end of it all.
Because change is not an on/off switch. Dignity and care are so much more than wishful thinking. More than comparison, more than the shoulds that threaten to silence us and stop our growth.
The change we seek is inside of the choices we make: in the relationships we build, in the hidden thoughts we examine, in the conversations we have with those we love, and with those we cannot stand. It’s in the information we consume, and the priorities we set. It’s in deciding to grapple with our present and our past, instead of clinging to the comfort of what we’re confident we already know.
This is not glamorous. And in my experience, it’s not pretty (at all).
But when we move towards owning the decisions that belong to us, instead of focusing on the ways we wish we could magically change the people around us, we begin to embrace tiny shifts that change the ways real human beings experience life around us. The ways we experience our unfolding story.
As we choose to make these changes, let’s not discount the journey that led you and I to share this moment.
Instead of seeing change as pressure to be perfect, let’s view it as one more shift. A shift towards making conscious choices that help us move closer to who we want to be as we work together to create dignity and care in the world around us.
In this day, there is hope. Because we still have the ability to hold and shape the choices that only we can make.
